How The Silence I Had To Keep After Sexual Abuse Slowly Killed Me –TY Bello

The popular Nigerian singer and photographer, TY Bello has narrated her inner struggles with sexual abuse that she had to endure and how it almost killed her.

TY was speaking few days after Busola, wife of Nigerian singer Timi Dakolo, accused the senior pastor of the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA), Biodun Fatoyinbo of raping her at age 17.

Although Fatoyinbo denied the allegation, the pastor has been widely criticised, with some protesters in Abuja and Lagos on Sunday and Monday demanding his stepping down as leader of the church which he honourably did early on Monday.

TY took to her Instagram page to break her silence about being sexually abused at a very tender age.

“I remember how the silence I had to keep after the abuse slowly killed me .. I also remember the relief I found in my relationship God so early,” she wrote.

“That really was my rescue  …yet for decades I could never find my voice on the matter .. I was still afraid…Mostly because I felt it may have been the fault of my seven-year-old self… Somehow… Fast forward.. almost thirty years later ..I knew better.. and was ‘big’ enough..

“I understood the importance of stepping up when it was time to share my story .. and ..I did in my @kemiadetiba ‘s #kingwomen interview .. it surprised me, however, how hard it was to talk about sexual abuse after so many years .. but it was such a relief ..But soon after came the resistance.

“In sharing ..I faintly began tasting the shame again .. that same feeling of naked ‘dirtiness ‘’ I had as a child .. it hadn’t completely gone away .It also became clear .. that real stories of sexual abuse still sounded like NOVELTY.. I saw headline after headline .. even in broken English .. this my ‘confession ‘.that ‘ Dem ‘SPOIL ‘ me when I be small pikin’..

“It didn’t feel good that it was so ‘sensational’ as I was aware of how massive a plague this was ..WE CLEARLY ARE NOT TALKING ENOUGH ..too many children sexually abused .. too many sex crimes ..especially now .. right under our noses.

“I had to push past the inner conflict that talking about it was ‘unnecessary’ … it was too long ago ..too ‘Oyinboish ‘to discuss publicly .. ‘. ‘Then of course ..that talking about it now would make it seem like my family failed me as a child .. but they didn’t .. and could never have known .. I had mastered SILENCE !they were victims too.

“Every abuse story is different but it is SHAME that makes them complicated..

“Sadly , the shame hardly lies with the perpetrators .. So I’ve learnt that it’s time to nail shame right where it belongs ..Far away from the wronged .. Bringing them instead to healing ,justice and freedom.

“We must teach ever child the power of their voices ,,Apparently ,we must teach adults too … and more importantly we must learn to listen .. understand and know that Sex is not a dirty word .. but DENIAL is.

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I remember how the silence I had to keep after the abuse slowly killed me .. I also remember the relief I found in my relationship God so early .That really was my rescue ..yet for decades I could never find my voice on the matter .. I was still afraid ..Mostly because I felt it may have been the fault of my seven year old self ..somehow.. Fast forward .. almost thirty years later ..I knew better .. and was ‘big’ enough .. I understood the importance of stepping up when it was time to share my story .. and ..I did in my @kemiadetiba ‘s #kingwomen interview .. it surprised me however,how hard it was to talk about sexual abuse after so many years .. but it was such a relief ..But soon after came the resistance .. In sharing ..I faintly began tasting the shame again .. that same feeling of naked ‘dirtiness ‘’ I had as a child .. it hadn’t completely gone away .It also became clear .. that real stories of sexual abuse still sounded like NOVELTY.. I saw headline after headline .. even in broken English .. this my ‘confession ‘.that ‘ Dem ‘SPOIL ‘ me when I be small pikin’.. It didn’t feel good that it was so ‘sensational’ as I was aware of how massive a plague this was ..WE CLEARLY ARE NOT TALKING ENOUGH ..too many children sexually abused .. too many sex crimes ..especially now .. right under our noses . I had to push past the inner conflict that talking about it was ‘unnecessary’ … it was too long ago ..too ‘Oyinboish ‘to discuss publicly .. ‘. ‘Then of course ..that talking about it now would make it seem like my family failed me as a child .. but they didn’t .. and could never have known .. I had mastered SILENCE !they were victims too. Every abuse story is different but it is SHAME that makes them complicated.. Sadly , the shame hardly lies with the perpetrators .. So I’ve learnt that it’s time to nail shame right where it belongs ..Far away from the wronged .. Bringing them instead to healing ,justice and freedom. We must teach ever child the power of their voices ,,Apparently ,we must teach adults too … and more importantly we must learn to listen .. understand and know that Sex is not a dirty word .. but DENIAL is ..

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